SHRINKING FAMILIES

My grand father had eight siblings. I had dozen of grand mothers named as Khare. To have siblings in dozens was nothing unusual in that generation. Usually the gentlemen would have more than one wife. Ramayana and one wife Ram was not taken as serious role model even by religious minded men. To have a step mother was quite common. The family consisted during that age the man, his many wives and many many children. Throw in widowed sisters, daughters, nieces, orphan kids of brothers and sisters and you will have a comprehensive picture of a typical joint family. Really it should have been called as age of multi joint families. A dying person would have dozen of attendants around his death bed from family itself.

During time of my parents the number had come near but more than half dozen. My parents had four siblings (not counting who died as babies). My aunts numbered same as my uncles. Ramayana appears to have effect or it may be simply effect of an enactment. If somebody rarely married twice after death of first wife, some widows still returned to the joint family. Occasional accommodation of unmarried brother or sister was not looked as burden. A dying person died in family and rarely unattended.

I have four siblings. We live in joint family house. Still parents of our generation by and large live with one of the child, usually elder son. Other sons and daughters some times share the care of parents willingly or grudgingly. The thought of sending parents to old age home is gaining frowning acceptability. We understand that sending of our uncles and aunts to old age home is better as unavoidable reality than bringing them to our home. We have rarely more than couple of kids. We of course want to die in our house and in attendance by our kids and grand kids. Our kids perhaps have different view. They look upon this wish as foolish sentimental burden.

Our kids are more and more opting for a single child family. The arrivals are planned with care. The care is of their convenience rather than the convenience of the baby, The care to bring baby after settling down and after having enjoyed life. It takes more than half life to come to that stage. We also read in paper business of surrogate mothers flourishing. Even the Indian couples not having time for pregnancy are increasingly turning to surrogacy.

We unnecessarily worry that babies will have to support their parents early in their life. It is a wrong worry perhaps. The babies will be smarter than their parents and our kids. The question and fight would be whose parents to take care of ? Husband’s or wife’s ? Better none of them. The care of parents would be something unheard of. The parents should live either on their own or go to old age home or sanatorium. No place would be left for parents in next generation nucleus family. Add to that case of single parent families which are rare in India but common in western countries we are so eager to ape. The single kid is much less likely to bother about single parent when it will grow up.

The logical sequence of surrogate mothers is foster care of kids. It won’t be surprising to find future society where the husband, the wife and the kid live their entire life in separate homes. Not home but only names will join them. That would be ultimate shrinkage of family concept. Don’t worry or cry about it. There is marriage concept waiting in the wings to disappear.

Arvind Khare
Khare_am@yahoo.com